Bent Cops

03 Home Invasion (guns 1990) Constable S W Rudsdale

Posted in Bent Cops by Jack on 16/05/2008


 “They are hell on earth once they want to get a man.” – J Mulgan.

In 1988 we moved to Whangarei and built a house on a few acres at Three Mile Bush. We only had one hiccup, neighbour wise, when one morning we started building at 7.45 am and our nearest neighbour Christopher Black appeared at our boundary fence and demanded we stop our work or he would “Ram my hammer up my arse.”

I told him where to go and filed the matter away. Sandra (the wife) tried to reason with him but he stormed off spluttering about us having a nerve building our house in view of his and invading his privacy. He must have been smoldering about it since we started building.

I didn’t report the matter of Black’s threatening behavior to the cops, the less I saw of them the better. I did however commence to plant a Leyland Cypress hedge between him and us.

A few months later Black discovered, to his horror, that he didn’t have the legal right to use his septic tank that was on our side of the boundary fence on an easement. A lawyer cock-up apparently. I wonder why he went to see a lawyer? Anyway, instead of keeping it under his hat, (we had no idea) the dozy sod tries to put matters right by sending some bloke with a legal form round for me to sign. Black also apologised to Sandra for his earlier threatening behaviour. (he needed us now) I declined to sign the form. The ‘form’ bloke agreed with me saying that he wouldn’t have signed it either. We allowed Black to continue to use his illegal septic tank.

All went well over the next 18 months. We finished our house, the Blacks ignored us and we reciprocated by not even bothering to ignore them.


“Foul whispering abroad.” Shakespeare.

Then the Cullums’ moved in along our Northern boundary.

I had agreed to build a new boundary fence between the Cullums’ and us but because I took a bit long in doing it, I had a crook back at the time, Gary Cullum decided he would hurry me up by denouncing me to the Social Welfare. I had also earlier agreed with Cullum that he could top up his rainwater tank from our pump supply that was on our easement on his land. He was allowed to take water from our supply between the hours of midnight and 6am. He in turn agreed to pay for half the power and maintenance of the water pump.

Cullum got nowhere with his D.S.W. denunciation so he then started to abuse his water rights by taking water outside the times he had agreed to.

Because our house was higher up than Cullums’ our water supply would stop when they took water from our pipeline. We had no header tank and there was not enough pressure for two houses at once. I asked Cullum why he was taking water during the day and he replied, ‘Because your fence is no good.’ I had finished the fence at last. I told him the fence was legally adequate and to stick to the water pump times agreed to. He promised that he would. The fence was ‘no good’ in Cullum’s eyes because I had used half round posts and not full round posts. ‘It’s not legal’ he whined. Of course he was wrong.

Then one afternoon while Sandra was having her after work shower our water stopped again. Cullum had turned it on at his place to water their garden. I shouted at him, ‘Turn the fucken water off.’ I had lost all patience with him. You tend to do that when you are maliciously denounced to government departments and agreements are repeatedly broken. Next day Sandra and I were both served, by a bailiff, with trespass notices from Cullum and his de-facto Jill Hayward. Some know-nothing down at the Whangarei courthouse had told them that they could stop us having access to our water supply on our easement on Cullum’s land.


Trespass notice 03

And then they got real dirty!


02 report form

Note: ‘I have advised Cullum/Gary of the result to date.’ And also notice how the dirty liars had already told the cops that I had been trespassing on their place.


03 Job Sheet


Constable Rudsdale told me during his legalized home invasion that Telecom workers, who he said were working outside Black’s house, had complained to the Police. He lied to protect his informant just as Irvine had done but then forgot to black out Cullum’s name on the Report Form. You will notice that the informant ‘Cullum/Gary’ was told of the result to date. I knew who had done the dirty deed but I didn’t kick up a stink, no mileage in that. That evening I was twiddling the dial on my multi band radio (sw1) when I heard a voice I recognized. I cranked up my tape recorder. I thought that a good idea considering what had happened earlier in the day.

The following is a transcript of the conversation between two of our other neighbours, both allegedly intelligent females, who would be regarded as reliable witnesses in the eyes of the Police and most Judges. I was pretty bloody shocked to hear that I was reputed to be, among many outrageous things, an abuser of my two boys. I was able to hear this broadcast because the Blacks used a cordless phone.

“It has been very truly said that the mob has many heads but no brains.” Rivarol.

6/12/1990 Evening. Mrs. Black to Mrs. Thompson.

B…’Now I’m going to fill you in on some amazing gossip.’

T…’Oh neat, goody.’

B…’Gary Cullum.’


B…’Gary Cullum, you know the guy who’s built that place you call shanty town.’

T…’Oh yes, yes, yep.’

B…’Chris has spoken to him a couple of times before and he rang this morning at half past six and he rang to say that Van Der Lubbe has been causing a bit of trouble.’

T…’Yea I heard that, Cathy said he had.’

B…’When did you hear?’

T…’Oh a couple of days ago Cathy was saying that there was a lot of trouble about the water or something. Yea he cut the water pipes and pulled up the alkathene piping. He was saying filthy words to Mrs. Cullum when she went down to the water tank.’ (Like I’d cut up my own pipes.)


T…’Anyhow go on.’

B…’Then he said you know it’s getting quite bad, um that’s just one of the things. Anyway he rang at half past six this morning and he and Chris were having a bit of a chat saying you know that things were bad and blah, blah, blah and also he rang to ask if we heard a rifle shot last night.’


B…’Which I did, I was in the computer room on the computer and I heard this gun go off about nine o’clock and I heard this big bang and it sounded fairly close. Well I didn’t investigate, when you live in the country if people want to let off guns that’s….’ (Not concerned in the slightest)

T…’Yea that’s right I often hear them at the back here.’

B…’Hmm. Anyway he rang this afternoon and he wanted to talk to Chris and Chris wasn’t home. He said to me “Have you seen any action at the Van Der Lubbes?” and I said, “Well I’ve really just gotten home.” And he said that they are getting the phone put in and Van Der Lubbe doesn’t ….Mr. Cullum wanted to put a um, um an underground cable in but because the ground’s too rocky he has to put power lines through. And Van Der Lubbe’s gone absolutely berserk and said that that’s just not on that he will have to look out and see these power lines. And Telecom men arrived today to install a portable phone just to do in the mean time till they get their other one and he fired two shots over their heads.’

T…’Oh really! Today?’


T…’Oh man!’

B…’And Gary said last night when the gun went off he said, we didn’t know where it came from but he said it was awfully close and we were just so frightened.’

T…’Oh they should have called the Police straight away.’

B…’Well I think they did, I think they did last night. Anyway he must have phoned the Police again this morning or today after he’d fired at them and cause he was lucky enough to have the Telecom guys there who saw it.’

T…’Shit I bet they were bloody scared some mad cunt firing at….’

B…’Right, he probably went off his rocker when he saw Telecom come in to install the phone.’

T…’Pardon, was that about nine o’clock?’

B…’I don’t know Robyn.’

T…’I went to work about ten to nine, I saw some men which I presume were, I thought they were post and telegraph vehicles outside Cullum’s driveway.’

B…’Right. So he phoned the Police and the Police checked up and he doesn’t have a firearms licence.’

T…’Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha.’

B…’Not up here he doesn’t.’


B…’But they are going to check and see if he has one from wherever he came from, if not they’ll charge him, they’ll book him, they’ll actually arrest him.’


B…’And he said, ‘had we seen the Police out’ and Chris said ‘he had at four o’clock’ and I said that’s when Gary said they were due to arrive and so we don’t know if he’s been arrested or not.’

T…’Well I saw him, um I went to get Peter, I left about half past three.’


T…’He must have an old man staying with him.’

B…’He has.’

T…’His father?’

B…’I think it’s probably hers.’

T…’And I could see him standing under the veranda there.’


T…’Um I couldn’t see any sign of Police and then I came back up the road at quarter past four.’

B…’Right, but when I was talking to Gary Cullum he said, that guy has threatened us with so much.’ (Cullum later admitted to Police that I had never threatened them but he still maintained that they “ran in fear of what I might do to them.”)

T…’Really, I didn’t, I mean I’ve heard from Cathy (another neighbour also poisoned by Cullum) because she was quite friendly with them. (Us.) She used to go up there for visits, um they have often said to her that they can’t stand him (Cullum) and all that stuff but I didn’t think things were really that bad with them. And then Cathy just told me the other day that he had been using filthy language to Mrs. Cullum when she went down when their water got cut off.’ (I asked her if she was a bit nutty for trying to stop me using my easement and to watch out for the men in white coats.)

B…’Yea, and he said that he’s been doing that again today.’


B…’Yea. So I said to him, you must feel so frightened, he said yes we do.’ (They were so frightened it caused them to wave and smile at us every time they saw us.)

T… ‘Because a guy like that is unpredictable.’


T…’He could go off and completely go loopy.’


T…’I mean we could have another bloody Aramoana with that guy around.’


T…’Hey but why didn’t the Police come up straight away because that’s pretty serious?’

B…’I don’t know Robyn.’

T…’Have the Telecom guys reported the matter?’

B…’Yea, Yea.’

T…’Oh they have good.’

B…’Yea they said that they would be prepared to be witnesses.’

T…’Oh good.’

B…’I said to him, you were very fortunate that they were there.’

T…’But did he actually fire at them or at Mr. Cullum?’

B…’No over their heads.’

T…’Well even so over the Telecom guys….’

B…’Yea well I suppose Mr. Cullum was out there as well. But Robyn he lives about twenty yards from our bedroom window.’

T…’I know, I know and I tell you what I wouldn’t like to live with that guy around…’ (Two years of peace, not counting Black’s outburst, and suddenly I’m another David Grey.)

B…’I know Robyn.’

T…’What are you going to do? I think you should ring the Police and tell them you’re frightened.’ (Start telling hysterical lies even.)


T…’Because it’s the unpredictability of someone like that.’

B…’Yea Yea I know, and Gary Cullum dobbed him into the Social Welfare.’

T…’Good job, what for?’

B…’And he thinks it’s us.’ (Why would we think that? Because Chris Black had done it a year earlier in retaliation for us having woken him up at 7.45am. Threatening me with violence wasn’t enough he had to denounce me to the Social Welfare as well.)

T…’Ha, Ha Trevor says ‘are them neighbours fuedin,’ he says he’d offer his protection services for…..per hour per night ha, ha.’

(A few months later “Trevor” got caught out with explosives he had stolen from the Papakura Military Base. He was in the Territorials but because he was a “friend” of the corrupt system, a bailiff, he was allowed to get away with theft and possession/use of stolen explosives.)

B…’Oh Robyn!’

T…’But I wonder if his parents are up because he’s sort of going off the deep end.’

B…Oh I don’t know. They have been up before.’

T…’So do you not know if the Police have actually come up or not?’

B…’I know they’ve been up but I don’t know if he’s there or not.’

T…’If who’s where?’

B…’If Van Der Lubbe is in the house or whether he’s been arrested. See if they arrested him he’d be down at the Police Station.’

T…’But for something like that…..’

B…’Well Gary Cullum said he thought that the Police gave him the impression they would hold him for four days.’



T…’As I say I definitely saw him when I went to get Peter and that was about…’

B…’Yes that was before the Police came out.’

T…’Right, it’s not going to be safe with someone like that living…..we don’t want people like that living here.’


T…’This is what happens, people are complacent, they think oh well you know and then.’

B…’But we can’t do anything about it Robyn.’

T…’If enough of us rang up the Police and said we are not satisfied with what’s going on, we are not satisfied with what they’re doing about it and we want to know what the story is we’ve all got children you know, well what’s going on.’


T…’If enough of us do it it’s gonna make them think twice.’


T…’You know when Cathy’s cat was killed, cause you know their cat was perfectly healthy.’


T…’When Cathy’s cat was….a perfectly healthy cat and it disappeared and it was missing for days and Greg finally found it behind…oh some bushes somewhere and they still think he poisoned it.’

B…’Is that right?’

T…’He hates animals.’

B…’Yea well we were, you know when our cat went missing?’


B…’It had been over there and I suppose we’re just lucky that it’s still alive.’

T…’Cathy said he’s cruel because she seen him be cruel to Flyn.’


T…’Not just like getting annoyed with the dog for being somewhere he, it shouldn’t be but really cruel.’


T…’Put the boot into the dogs stomach, in front of her too.’  (A knee in the chest when it jumped up at me.)


T…’She was just shocked, she is the sort of person who loves animals.’


T…’He’s just cruel.’


T…’I don’t actually know the Cullums but I’ve waved out to them when I’ve….but that’s about all I’ve had to do with them.’

B…”Ummm yea.’ (But I believe every bit of malicious gossip they say about third parties.)

T…’And what does Chris think about the whole thing, does he think the Police should do anything?’

B…’Oh he thinks it’s a bit of a joke.’

T…’t’s a bit of a joke if it’s not you that’s…or it’s something you read about in the newspaper and see on TV.’


T…’Time and time again things like that have happened and things have escalated.’


T…’Small beginnings.’


T…’Especially with someone like him who is to put it mildly eccentric isn’t he?’

B…’Yes, Yea definitely. So anyway I thought I’d fill you in, I thought you’d like to hear that bit of news.’

T…’Yea we’ll have to wait and see what the outcome is.’


T…’I know that Cathy was saying that he told the Cullums’ that he was taking them to Court about the water.’


T…’Or something like that.’

B…’Yea, Yea.’

T…’It’s a pity the sale on his place fell through isn’t it?’

B…’Yea. Oh I nearly came down tonight. If you’d have been home I would have but I kept ringing and getting no reply, in fact I started to get a bit worried with all this hanky panky going on, I though he might have you hold up as hostages.’

T…’I tell you what, I wouldn’t bloody put it past him.’ (Well fuck me, now I’m a potential hostage taker)

B…’No, I know Robyn. You know Robyn I feel sorry for the kids.’

T…’For your kids?’

B…’No for his kids, because to me they are always, they look so timid.’


T… ‘It’s awful isn’t it?’

B…’Yea it is.’

T…’I feel a bit sorry for her, actually Cathy said she’s not actually too bad.’


T…’A person like that will probably get worse as he gets older.’


T…’He’s the sort of guy, he’s sort of teetering on the brink and he just needs something to push him off it.’


T…’It’s as though he sort of sets out to um, it’s as though it gives a bit of excitement to his life to get out and upset people.’


T…’Oh well I’ll be very interested to hear the outcome of all this.’

B…’So will I.’

T…’We’ll have to get the heavies to go up and rough him up a little bit. Get Trevor to dress up in his commando gear.’


T…’Go up there and do a rekky on the place. I’ll get Trevor to take his Browning up. He’s got one of those rifles that you’re not suppose to have.’

B…’But he’s probably got it registered?’

T…’Oh yes it’s all legal and everything. I shouldn’t say you’re not supposed to have them, the ones you are not allowed to buy anymore.’


T…’That would make a big hole in the back of his chest, ha ha.’  (And I’m supposed to be the violent one.)


“Rumour flies round the world twice before the truth gets its boots on.” Anon.

Chris Black to John? 6/12/1990.

B…”Shit we’ve got fun and games next door John.”

J…”Have ya?”

B…”Ho, fucken hell!”

J…”Hasn’t fired a shot yet?” (Strange question?)

B…”Oh yea, yea he, the guy um um Cullum.”


B…”Um he had the P and T down there, ah, putting a telephone in.”


B…”And the old buggerlug fired a couple of shots over their heads.”

J…”Is that right?”

B…”Yea. They called the Police.”

J…”The man’s got to be crazy.”

B…”Oh he is, he’s apparently, what he’s really pissed off now is see, Cullums got to put in poles for his telephone.”


B…”And Van Der Lubbe doesn’t like the idea of his view being distorted by poles, well fuck my days mate, he put poles about thirty feet away from our house and I laughed.”

J…”You could go him.”

B…”Awe god I laughed…he, he’s a nutcase, he really is.”


B…”You know poor old Cullum, he’s scarred shitless.”

J…”Yea he would be.”

B…”He didn’t have a phone and they couldn’t put one in so they’ve given him a mobile.”

J…”Awe yea.”

B…”Cause they recognize the fact that um you know mouhhhh.”

J…”Yea a dangerous man.”

B…”Yea he is yea.”

J…”You wouldn’t want your kids playing around outside would you?”

B…”Oh no I know John, and it’s not a twenty two he’s using it’s a Three-0 or I don’t know. I thought it was a shotgun to start with but Douglas said, Douglas was away from school for a couple of days and he said he heard them firing this thing. Apparently the range you know must have been about fifty yards or so, well a shotgun can’t shoot a target at fifty yards.”


B…”Too soon after Aramoana ha ha ha.”

J…”I hope he doesn’t cut loose on Saturday night.” (Party at Blacks)

B…”Ooh shit he he he, oh I hope they lock him up before then, I hope they do that. Ha ha ha ha shit that would be fun wouldn’t it?”

J…”Yea it would be.”

B…”OK John.”

J…”I’ll get back to you in the morning.”

B…”Right you ho, bye for now.”


Next day I wrote a letter informing Black that he should make other arrangements regarding the discharge of his sewerage. ”Ooh shit he he he, oh I hope they lock him up before then, I hope they do that. Ha ha ha ha shit that would be fun wouldn’t it?”


“Cutting honest throats by whispers.” Scott.

And eight days later Cullum rings Black.

B…”G’day Gary.”

C…”Yea G’day Chris.”

B…”What’s happening?”

C…”Um, we’re having big problems with your neighbour.”

B…”What do you mean my neighbour?”

C and B …”Ha ha ha he he he.”

B…”I’ve got just a bigga problems with em.”

C…”Have you?”

B…”He’s given me a registered letter stating that he’s going to cut my septic tank off.”

C…”Oh yes well that’s good because we received one yesterday too.”

B…”What’s he gonna do to you?”

C…”About the water and um he’s charging us for all his time doing repairs and maintenance on the pump for the last twelve months which is $650 labour.”

B…”Ha ha ha ha.”

C…”Still that’s beside the point and that’s as far as we’ve had, he’s been firing shots at us and god knows what last week.”


C…”Yea, he had the one shot that night.” (The one Mrs. Black thought nothing of.)

B…”Yea didn’t he hit the Telecom van or something or other?”

C…”He went right over the top of the Telecom van, the bullet ricochet right over the top and that, so any rate they’ve witnessed and the Police has been out and god knows what.”

B…”Yea.” (The cops told Cullum what the true story was but he kept up the lying like a true shit-stirring coward.)

C…”Um now we’ve just been in to the solicitors again and now cause we’ve filed Court action and that through the small claims court, so we had to go in just a few minutes ago to see the guy that’s in charge of it all to see if he can, cause they told us it may not be able to go through till February and we said well we have to have water.”


C…”He’s been disconnecting our water you see.”

B…”Umm.” (I disconnected him only once, much later, when he refused to pay his half of the power bill and it never went back on.)

C…”So um one thing leads to another and the matter’s getting very complicated. We’ve just been in to the guy from the Court and he’s informed us what we are to do and everything. We are just to carry on and use the water whenever we like, how long we like and if he puts one foot on our property at all he’s going to be arrested no beating about the bush. He’s not allowed on our property at all.”

B…”Yea he can’t even get to the pump then can he?”

C…”No he’s not allowed down to the pump at all so if he goes down there to disconnect our water he’s a goner.” (1)


C…”So in any rate that’s beside the point, um regarding this firearms business and that, his wife has the current licence for the firearm not him.”

B…”Is that right?”

C…”Yes. And I always understood that um with a firearms licence as long as there is one in the house anybody can use the firearm.”

B…”Shit no, no way!”

C…”Um, when I was talking to your wife last week.”

B…”To Dia?”

C…”Yea, and she said that your son had seen him having target practice out the back when he was home one day from school.”

B…”That’s right yes, that’s right, he and his father, yep.”

C…”Well um the guy down at the Court of the solicitors and he wants to know if he can please interview your son and that about this.”


C. “And if he’s prepared to say yes he has seen him using it, um the firearms will be confiscated and he is going for a skate.” (2)

B…”Oh well I’ll talk to Douglas.”

C…”And I said that I didn’t know if you’d want your son to get involved as far as that goes or not, and he said, well he said it’s the only thing we’ve got on him. He said we know he’s used it but nobody can prove that they’ve seen him with that gun in his hands.”

B…”Yea, well I’m pretty sure Douglas was ill that day and he watched them outside the window.” (My father was in Wanganui at that time and had they gone ahead with their dirty little scheme they would have come a gutser.”)

C…”Yea, yea. Well if your son can sort of say, yes he has seen him using it, well he’s a goner” (3)

B…”Yea, is that right? OK I’ll talk to Douglas and I’m pretty sure he’ll do it, well I’d advise him to cause you know it’s um, but it’s not gonna be, he’s at school now so.”

C…”Well look what he wants you to do is if you would ring um.”

B…”Who do I speak to?”

C…”Shit now I’ve left my card in the bloody car now, um it’s a Noel Cockerello.”

B…”Noel Cockerello?”

C…”Yea and he’s with Web Ross and Co.” (Another bright bunch of lawyers.)

B…”Oh yea.”

C…”So if you just ring them, their number is 483099, just ask to speak to Noel Cockerello.”


C…”Or if you can’t get him, um please ask to speak to Nicola please.”



B…”Yep, Gary have you got the phone on?”

C…”Got it on yesterday.”

B…”What’s the number?”

C…”Um, 4352547.”



B…”Has Van Der Lubbe got the phone on?”


B… “I was in the Police yesterday morning.”

C… “Were you?”

B…”Um because we’ve been getting calls for the last three weeks where um nobody answers, nobody, and it’s you know quarter past six in the morning, ten o’clock at night all over the place. You know one and one don’t make three but, um I put it on the line cause I said to the cop down their at Whangarei Police, I said you know this guys been reported um.”

C…”Well do you know the guy Thompson the bailiff that lives over behind Greg (Cathy’s husband) and….”

B…”Oh hell yes, I know them very well, yes he’s had problems. He (wasn’t Trev) had to serve a thing on him apparently about a month or so ago.” (I won that case, in the Disputes Tribunal, over faulty building materials.)

C… “Yea.”

B…”And he’s having problems with him.”

C…”Yes he’s having problems because he’s now after his wife now.”

B… “Yea well Robyn’s been harassed by him.” (Asking a cop, Baker, to tell her to stop her slanders is harassment in their eyes. You will see later.)


B…”She, she’s talked to the Police.”


B…”I think you ought to have a good talk to, um, um what’s a names next door, um oh Greg and what’s a name.”


B… “Yea because I think that since that trespass notice has been put on, I think Cathy’s seen him on your place.” (On our water easement.)

C…”Yea she told me last night I rang her up.”

B…”Oh good.”

C…”Yea she told me she’d seen him. So we’ve told the Police about this and that so.” (And did the cops do me for trespass? No they did not, the cops told Cullum I had a legal right to go onto our easement.)


C…”So it’s fun and games, so he just won’t listen to anybody, take no for an answer or nothing.”

B… “Yea.”

C…”He’s got a law of his own.”

B…”Yea. I don’t know what he’s going to do to my septic tank.

I’ve got my lawyers working on it and um I’ve got to contact them this afternoon and just see what, shit he could put an axe through it, he could actually legally do it.” (Black had to fork out for a new sewage system?)

C… “Yea.”

B…”Which really shits me off but.”

C…”Yea, did you know he’s been telling everybody round the place that um you, us, Cathy and them have been spreading slander round the neighbourhood about him?”

B…”No, who’s he been telling that to?”

C…”He told oh everybody that comes down to our place, all the Telecom guys, he’s been up there and told them all.”

B…”Is that right (And what are they doing right now?)

C…”Yea, he even told the Constable at Kamo, (Baker) we had to go in there last week about the water.”

B… “Yea.”

C…”Work something out for a week and now it’s expired, now he, the Constable rung him up today to see if he would extend it till we can get this Court case business and he said bluntly no. Now he doesn’t, won’t even allow us to have water for our cattle except for between ten o’clock at night and six in the morning.” (You’ll see what a lie that was later.)

B…”Oh god.”


B…”So he can’t even come down to the pump now, no?”

C…”No, no. So if he puts a foot on the place he’s had it.” (4)

B… Yea, does he know that?”

C…”No he doesn’t know that at all and they are not going to tell him either and that, he’s had a warrant sort of, he’s had a trespass thing issued to him.” (Bright boy is Gary.)


C…”And that which says keep off the property and that but because he doesn’t actually own the pump, we own it, he won’t believe that.” (That’s not what he said in Baker’s office.)

B…”Is that right.”

C…”He’s actually trespassing.”

B…”Who pays the power bill for the pump?”

C…”Ha ha ha ha nobody. At this stage he’s been skiting for two years that the meter has never been read.”

B…”Is that right?”

C…”Yea, so Northpower have been notified about it haven’t they.”

B…”Ha ha ha ha.”

C…”So he’s in for a nice big power bill.” ($127)

B…”Oh shit a beauty.”

C…”He will try to thump it off onto us.”


C…”I contacted Northpower last week about it.” (A serial dobber inner.)


C…”Because Cathy said to me that he had been raving on to her and Greg for a long time about it”.

B…”Ha ha ha ha.”

C…”Well we were wondering in that because if the deal goes through on his property and that we will be lumbered with this bill.”

B…”Has he still got the deal going on his property?”

C…”Yes, yep, middle of January.”

B…”Is it?”


B…”Oh my God.”

C…”But Graham hasn’t had any joy with his place yet, I was talking to him yesterday.” (Was there anyone he didn’t talk to?)

B…”Yea, so his place is still on the market. Ohhh God please, please get him to sell his house.”

C…”Yea I know that’s what I’ve been saying to Graham ho ho ho.” (Cullum scared potential buyer ‘Graham’ off with his whining. Who would want a moaning wanker like him for a neighbour?)

B…”Oh Jesus.”


B…”Ahh ha ha ha ha. OK well I will ring Mr. Noel Cockerello.”


B…”Um and arr we’ll sort it out.”


B…”Isn’t he, ohh he’s unreal.”

C…”Yea is he ever.”

B…”Is his wife just as bad as he is?”

C…”Yea is she ever.”


C…”Oh yea you should have seen the performance just last week in the Constables office in Kamo, She’s a smart mouthed little bitch.” (No drama at all except for them trying to claim ownership of our pump and then having to admit that it was ours.)

B… “Is that right?

C….I said to Jill I’d like to slop her right across the mush. (Remember I’m supposed to be the violent one! Or did Gary want to kiss her, have you seen Jill?)

B….He he he.

C….I sure would.

B….Ha ha ha.

C….We got to sit there, we all got told that it wasn’t going to be a yelling session or anything, that if one of us raised our voices, there was the door, we could get out.

B…Is that right?”

C… “Yea

B…”Who by the cop?”


B…”Where, in his office?”

C…”In the Colonial Arcade in Kamo.”

B…”Oh yea.”

C… “He’s a hell of a nice guy.” (lol)


C…”So believe me we’ve had fun and games.”


C…”So how about if you contact that guy.”

B…”Yea I’ll contact him right now. I’ll ring him right now.”

C…”And could you give us a tingle tonight and let us know what?”

B…”Oh Gary I can’t, see Douglas has got school and he’s got swimming and I might be able to take him down tomorrow, oh no, it’s got to be to who the Police or the solicitors?”

C…”No to the solicitors, the guy Cockerello wants to interview him.”

B…”Yea, yea.”

C…”And that, but I said to him, I said well he’s most likely to be at school today anyway.”

B…”Yea, yea. So well I don’t think he, well I suppose he’d like him there today?”

C…”I suppose but if he can’t, well he will have to wait till Monday.”

B…”Yea, yea. I’ll have to check with Douglas for the exact, he said to me that he saw them both doing target practice.”

C…”Yea, yea.”

B…”So you know.”

C…”Well see the thing is in that, um if he will tell him, stand up and say yea he’s seen him with the gun in his arms and fire it and that, um they can go in there and confiscate all the guns.”

B…”Oh that’s what I’d like, that’s what I said to the cop last night, I said this is just ridiculous.” (8 days earlier Black thought it was all a “big joke.”)

C…”Yea, yea, no they said the minute he says yes and the guns are gone but until then they can’t be confiscated.”

B…”They can actually confiscate guns from the house although there is somebody holding a licence in the house.”

C… “Yep.”

B…”You see she could say that they are her guns.”

C…”Yea it doesn’t matter as long as um somebody can prove that they’ve seen him holding and fire one of those guns.”


C…”They are all gone.”

B…”Ho Kay shit what a…”

C…”Yea I know.”


C…”We feel terrible having to involve anybody else in it and that, but oh struth.” (So he involves anyone red-necked or simple enough to listen to his ravings.)

B…”Oh no look I’m involved I could be having to shit, I might have to go to a night cart or something for my shit, he he he he.”

C…”Oh I’ll let you come and use ours, ha ha ha ha. I’ll even give you a key to come in and go, ha ha ha ha.”

B…”Ha ha ha ha. You mightn’t have any water to flush it, he he he he.”

C…”We’ll have bloody water all right don’t worry about that.” (My turn to laugh.)

B…”Yea shit. O.K. I’ll ring him and give you a buzz back tonight.”

C…”O.K. bye, bye.”


“What some invent the rest enlarge.” Swift.

And a few days later. You will notice that the story is developing with repetition. Chinese whisper or malicious exaggerations?

Black to his mother.

B…”We’re having fun and games with our Dutch neighbour, in fact everybody is, oh all the people, he’s gone, he’s doing some really weird things. The Police have been out a couple of times, he fired a shotgun to the other neighbour and.”

M…”No into the air pray God, what, you mean in the direction?”

B…”Well yea and actually the Telecom people were there and apparently some of the pellets hit the van. So I don’t know what happened.” (It’s amazing the shit some people talk.)

M…”Oh he will have to be dealt with won’t he?”

B…”Oh apparently the Police haven’t done anything about it, they reckon they were target shooting, well I don’t know how you target shoot with a shotgun.”

M…”That’s pretty poor because I would have though Telecom was powerful enough, you know their organization, to show the Police the pellet marks.”

B…”And he’s put the, do you remember me telling you about the problem with the easement for the septic tank here?”


B…”He dropped a note to me yesterday, a registered letter saying, ah you will attend to this immediately or I will cut it off or something. So I passed it on to the solicitor because it’s going to be a battle between the solicitors and the surveyors as to who pays cause it was their mess up.” (So-called Professionals again.)

M…”Was it? Oh Lord that’s awful him letting off his shotgun.”

B…”Oh he’s, he’s a, he’s a real nutter.”

M…”Still the Police, I can’t understand it. He must have been strange before because…”

B…”Oh he’s got a bee in his bonnet now someone’s potted him to the Social Welfare which they have, which someone…another neighbour has, I think he thinks it’s me ha ha.”

M…”Oh you mean he’s drawing something that he wasn’t entitled to?”

B…”Well he’s on a benefit, I don’t know what sort of unemployment?”

M…”Did you say he’s a Dutchman?”


M…”How old?”

B…”Oooh he’d be in his thirties, late thirties, he looks like, he looks like J C. You, you’d really put nail holes through his hands. No he really looks; you could crucify him ha ha ha ha. He’s a nutter all right, Yea.” (And a Dutchman.)

M…”And what’s his wife like is she pretty nutty? or….”

B…”Just about the same, just about the same, right under his thumb I think.”

M…”And any children?”

B…”Two boys yes they are aged about 14 and 12 I think.”

M…”Oh he must be well over thirty in that case but ah..but are they all right or are they…”

B…” But we have absolutely nothing to do with them.”

M…”No I don’t suppose you do but this firearms thing, there have been such awful things happening.”

(I didn’t listen to them anymore after that on account of me beginning to harbour murderous thoughts. Not really lol.)